For the life of me, I’ll never understand why people
in Colorado bitch about the snow. For
one, this is Colorado; this sort of meteorological
phenomenon ought to be expected. If we
were living in Key West and a blizzard blew through then I’d understand the
surprise—not so startling when you live in the Rockies. Secondly, snow brings to the state a ton of tourist ski dollars and, when the
white stuff melts, it moistens our trees and bushes thus lessening the impact
of wildfires. Plus, it should be noted
that more melted snow equals more water for the breweries to convert into
beer. So, if you wish to see a weak
economy, more forest fires, and less suds then, by all means, keep
belly-aching. Otherwise, zip it! You can’t control the weather, there’s no
point complaining about something that can’t be changed, you might as well make
the best of it. I, for one, take
advantage of the chilly weather by indulging in decadent, belly-warming dark
beers and Nicole and I certainly got our fill this past weekend at Wynkoop Brewing Co.’s Parade of Darks.
The weather, though maligned by Colorado’s weaker
citizens, was perfect for a festival focused on beers amber-colored or darker. The short jaunt from the Union Station light
rail to Denver’s iconic brewpub was bitingly cold, cutting through the flesh,
icing the bones, and freezing the marrow.
My fingertips were turning white and it felt as if a claw of icicles was
clutching at my heart. What kept us
going, however, was the promise of aggressive, core-heating Russian imperial stouts.
We burst through the main entrance, a flurry of frigid
air swirling behind us like a shaved ice tornado as we took my place in line
near the rear staircase, keeping to the side as brewery reps plodded up and
down the steps with festival draft systems, logo schwag, and pints of beer in
hand, preparing for the grandest spectacle in opaque ale. The wintry nip that had so inundated our
bodies just minutes before melted from anticipation.
Once we reached the top, when we stepped into the English-pub-inspired
top floor of Wynkoop, we grabbed our taster glasses and stood in awe of the
rows of booths pouring black beer. Sure,
this was our third time at Parade of Darks but a year’s hiatus between each
event can give one amnesia; you forget just how impressive it all is until you
return and are reminded of its grandeur.
Here are a few highlights from the event:
·
The AC Golden Brewing Company has long been for
me a philosophical conundrum. I am a
great supporter of independent craft breweries and have always spoken out
against “crafty beer” even before it became a hot topic with the Brewers Association. On the other hand, I’m also
a proponent of quality beer regardless of its source; luckily, 99% of the time
that source is indeed an independent brewery, saving me from making a hypocrite
of myself. The Coors-owned AC Golden,
however, produces both “crafty beer” and
delicious beer thus I find myself at an impasse. To squirm my way out the corner I’ve painted
myself into, I say that the brewers of AC Golden are at the top of their game, leaders
in their industry—they just play for the wrong team (although, at least one of them is using his talents and going into business for himself). The point I’m trying to make, I suppose, is
that the Framboise Noir they brought to Parade of Darks is excellent—a very
puckering fruit sour ale. If you, like
me, have a hyper-inflated beer conscience, turn off the part of your brain that
tells you the beer is technically owned by a mega-corporation and turn on the
part that says, “Hot damn, that’s a fine beer!”
·
Twisted Pine Brewing Company was getting
creative with some of their offerings; they served up a beer cocktail called Hot
Shot—a near-full pour of Big Shot Espresso Stout with a splash of Ghost Face Killah. The resulting concoction wasn’t
unlike Copper Kettle Brewing Co.’s Mexican Chocolate Stout: a rich, dark beer with
a peppery finish. Interesting side note:
the coffee beans in Big Shot come from Boulder’s Unseen Bean and they’re
roasted by Gerry Leary who’s blind from birth.
Apparently, he can tell when the beans are ready by sound and scent.
·
Just because most breweries at festivals pour
out of a Rubbermaid cooler doesn’t mean their draft system needs to be
primitive. Phantom Canyon BrewingCompany, for example, served their Zebulon’s Peated Porter on cask and Our Mutual Friend Malt & Brew had their Winter Warmer randalled with vanilla
beans and oak chips. Don’t let the
cooler hold back your creativity, breweries; with enough ingenuity, you can
fancy-up your taps for any situation.
 |
| That's one mean-lookin' mutha of a can |
·
Man, I thought those 19.2 ounce “royal pint” cans from Oskar Blues Brewery and Upslope Brewing Company were pretty gnarly
until I saw Mission Brewery’s 32 ounce monsters. Honestly, I would never buy a single beer of
that size; I have a promiscuous palate and I feel I’d get bored drinking that
much of one beer (I guess they’re probably intended to be shared but whatever). Nonetheless, I can still marvel at the sheer immensity
of those glorious mini-kegs. I’ve seen
the Grand Canyon, I’ve seen the Great Barrier Reef, and now I can say I’ve seen
a beer the size of a motor oil can.
·
I don’t care what the beers taste like at
Verboten Brewing (for the record, I think they taste pretty good), I’ll always
order from them if only because of their clever, pop culture-referencing
names. “What Hump?” isn’t just an iconic quote from one of Mel Brooks’ most classic films, it’s also a mighty tasty sour porter.
·
The host brewery wasn’t sitting on its laurels,
no sir. Wynkoop came well prepared with Brewjolais Nouveau, a purple, wine-like
beer with a bunch of ingredients you probably can’t pronounce e.g. marash chili
peppers, cuit la coche, and foch grapes.
It’s a funky intermingling of components and it all comes together in
something that challenges the perception of what it means to be a beer. It’s a good brew, just be prepared for
something unusual.
·
Of course, Parade of Darks isn’t all about beer, it’s also about raising
money for those in need. $14,734 were
raised for Metro CareRing based on ticket prices alone. At the time of this writing, the money raised
through the silent auction hadn’t yet been calculated (Nicole won the Grimm Brothers Brewhouse package with a growler, a neoprene growler holder, and two
shirts). Last year, Parade of Darks
raised approximately $14,000 so it looks like they’re on pace to breeze past
the record!
 |
| Silent auction at Parade of Darks |
Fully fortified, we left Parade of Darks and embraced
the glacial winds that whipped past, futilely attempting to make us shiver and
curse our supposed misfortune for living in such a frigid city and state. Nuts to that!
With numbed nose, foggy sunglasses, and a snifter of barleywine, we
laugh in the face of the elements and we count my blessings because, while dark
beers are wonderful, they’re impossible to enjoy in balmy weather. Who ever thought a porter would hit the spot
on a sweaty day on a California beach and who ever had the notion that a
quadrupel would pair well with a sweltering Fourth of July BBQ? Nobody, that’s who. Wintertime is black beer time and, by God, we’re
going to enjoy it!
Prost!
Chris
 |
| At Black Bottle Brewery's table: that's just inappropriate |
 |
| That might be a little more inappropriate |
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